“Everything will be alright in the end…so if everything is not alright, it is not the end”.
But God, I miss you
So much it hurts sometimes.
Now I can’t bring us back to
all the days gone by.
Is the only positive thing in the institution of marriage right now.
I just had the strangest feeling.
I realized that I’d let you become a memory.
You used to be tangible.. it used to sting every time I breathed, and I couldn’t help but remember…
I really did remember what it felt like to hug you, to be around you, our jokes, our talks, our times in the car.
They used to be burned into my memory like I was going to wake up the next morning and bust you out of school and go hang in your dad’s driveway…until your dad came out and stared at me. Aha.
But now… I look at a picture of you and it takes a second to remember those feelings. It makes me sad in a different way now.
Not in a frustrating way, but in a very deeply touching way. It’s not hard for me to say “a little over 9 months ago, my best friends died in a car crash” anymore. It rolls off the tongue, like it’s just an interesting fact that would contribute to dinner conversation.
But… I don’t really process it. I don’t really go into depth with myself about how unGodly painful it is to remember.
I kind of push it back.
Nathan’s birthday is coming up soon.
Then the Anniversary.
I’m not too terribly sure how I’m going to handle it.
Hopefully in a manner that would allow me to function.
like things aren’t understood by many people.
Larissa and jasmin. They understand. Sometimes brooke and tyler understand. Adam and tyler cooper…they understand.
But mostly.
Nobody I know understands.
And that sucks.
but eventually.
goddamn.
LivingofLove
